Easy as Pie
by batcaveisforever
Summary: Babe Fluff very late for National Pie Day. Adult theme.


_Easy as Pie_

(Somewhat late for National Pie Day)

Karen

"He wouldn't go down on me!" Connie slammed a freshly manicured hand down on her desk and looked around angrily. "Can you fucking believe it?"

Steph and Lula were lounging on the couch at the office, and were getting the dirt on Connie's latest date with Antonio Giordano, a local business owner that she had met while ordering capicola at Giovichinni's. One flirty remark had led to another, and the next thing Connie knew she was being whisked away the next night in Antonio's silver Jaguar to Rossini's for a romantic, candlelit dinner. One exceptionally arousing goodbye kiss later, she found herself agreeing to a date the next Friday night. This time it was a fabulous new waterfront restaurant and they toasted each other with champagne and danced until closing. Another star-studded goodbye kiss occurred and Connie was tentatively believing that this guy could be for real. This state of bliss continued on for a couple of weeks and then the big night was upon her. Antonio invited her to dinner at his house, and she knew what that meant. Not wanting to look like a brazen hussy, she refrained from answering "It's about time!", and merely accepted the invitation with a promising smile. Steph and Lula, having suffered through two weeks of hearing about romantically perfect dates, were ready to hear about some action instead.

Lula's eyebrows rose now at Connie's declaration. "What's the matter with that boy? Are you sure? You took a shower, right?"

Connie slammed her with a withering stare. "I was so clean he could have operated on me. I don't know what the fuck he was thinking. We were on the couch in front of the fire and things got going – my shirt was off, and then his, and then we just spent what seemed like hours just kissing and exploring each other. I swear, I could kiss him all night long, he was that goooood." Her eyes closed for a moment and her lips curved into a knowing smile, then her eyes snapped open and she continued, "So I was kissing my way down his chest and stomach – and it's a gorgeous stomach, he's got one of those six pack things going on – I bet it's just as good as Ranger's."

Steph opened her mouth, but snapped it shut right away. For the past couple of weeks, she had heard all about Connie's wonderful dates and truthfully, she was wondering why she had missed that star-struck, giddy, date-filled beginning and gone straight to 'pizza and beer on the couch'. She could get by that, though, but hearing Connie describe the kissing and touching and the uncontrollable rush she felt every time he was around was firing off her Ranger-sensors like you wouldn't believe. No one else made her feel that incredible rush of the first kiss each and every time he got in close, and thinking about it all the time was driving her crazy, as well as wearing out her shower massager. If this continued, she was in serious danger of screaming out the wrong man's name, and you just don't do that to a man with a police-issued weapon. But she couldn't help it. Connie just mentioned Ranger and six-pack and all she could see was Ranger stripping in her bedroom, the moonlight highlighting every carved plane of his rock-hard body.

"So I unbuckle his belt, and he slips out of his clothes..."

"Briefs or boxers?" Lula interrupted, grinning at Connie, "What? It's important to know."

"Boxers – blue silk, I think. I had my eye on the prize – I wasn't caring too much about the wrapping. Anyway, so I go in…" Connie stopped at Lula's raised eyebrows. "What?? Oh, for God's sake! It was big – not too big – but a good 7 inches, I would guess. Nice width - perfectly acceptable. So I go and do my thing – and I put in a good effort – suck, swirl, tongue flipper, fingers – I used it all. So he should be happy, right?

_"Oh, God, Steph, that feels so good. Babe. Don't stop…" Hair sliding along his thighs. Sweat slicking our bodies. Desire – lots of desire._

"Steph – Steph – you with us?" Connie looked at her in exasperation. "Earth to Steph – You want to help me figure this out?"

"Sorry, Connie – I zoned out there for a minute."

"I wouldn't mind having a zone-out like that. Although, that's probably the exactly the expression I get when I think of my man Tank. That is one fine piece of man, I'll tell you. Seven inches doesn't even begin to cover it, let me tell you. I could tell you stories that would you make you orgasm right on the spot. That man is fine. He's got some fine body parts, and he knows what to do with them. Although I was able to show him a couple of tricks that surprised him. It's good to keep a man on his toes, you know. He especially loves when I….well – them's private thoughts for when I'm alone in the shower…"

_"Come in the shower, Babe." Arms around me, hands cupping my breasts. Water cascading over us, our bodies slippery. Soft moans. _

"Can we please concentrate on me right now??! Hello? Both of you are off somewhere and not helping at all! So anyway, I look up at him and he's got his hand over his mouth like he's horrified at something and I think to myself – what the fuck? Then he jumps off the couch, mumbling something about not liking to eat pie. After I do my duty to him!"

_"Babe, you taste so good – I could eat you all night long." Long fingers sliding into me. His tongue wet against me. Screams – mine._

"So what did you do? Maybe he left the room because he felt sick or something." Lula searched her mind for a reasonable explanation. She glanced at Steph in question, but shook her head at her half-closed eyes and languorous expression.

"I got my clothes on and drove home. What? I'm going to wait there naked in front of the fire looking stupid? I know when I'm not appreciated. And I'm not going to be with a man who won't eat pie!"

_"I only eat one kind of pie." _

A moan stopped Connie and Lula's conversation. "What's with you, girl? You look lost in some kind of sex dream. You dreaming about Officer Hottie?"

Connie looked closely at Steph's startled expression. "I don't think it's Morelli that's on her mind right now."

The door opened and a faint wave of Bulgari preceded Ranger's entrance. "Ladies." He looked around and found Steph still on the couch. His eyes sharpened as he took in her guilty expression and hard nipples, which were visible through her t-shirt. "Babe – so who's on your mind?"

Lula looked around him to see if Tank was coming in. "She hasn't paid attention at all to Connie's tale of woe. I bet you never treated a woman like that – I can almost guarantee that – and it'd be a huge disappointment to learn otherwise. Where's that Tank? I could use some Tank lovin' right now, and it's getting toward lunchtime. You guys got me all fired up with the pie conversation."

Ranger lifted an eyebrow and waited. Lula opened her mouth and Steph chopped the air with her hand. "Don't you dare."

A hint of a smile appeared on his face. "Now I'm curious."

:Lula shrugged. "We could get a man's opinion. Don't know what the fuck was on that man's mind dissing Connie like that." She glanced at Connie, then continued. "Connie's new man wouldn't go down on her after she took care of his business."

Connie looked at Lula in awe and Steph silently chuckled to herself. Somewhere along the way, Lula had lost her fear of Ranger. Probably it had something to do with her relationship with Tank, and something else to do with her going postal on Ranger at the hospital when Tank was hurt, but whatever the reason, she was much more comfortable around him.

Ranger silently considered Lula's sentence.

"Um, you _do _eat pie, right? You're not going to disappoint me now, are you?"

Steph had no worries about Ranger turning to her and replying, "Why, of course, I do, just ask Stephanie." No, she was more worried that her memories and lack of poker face would do her in. This constant sexual awareness due to Connie's daily stories of her new romance had to stop – it was driving her crazy and straight into a man's arms that didn't want her for the long term. Why all this talk of new romance and constant sexual tension couldn't enhance her sex life with Joe, she had no idea – all she could think about was Ranger.

She had to get out of here before she lay down in front of him and begged him to eat her pie. Shit – a whole section of dessert was ruined for her because she could only think of Ranger's face buried between her legs when she heard the word. Thank God she liked cake and pudding and cookies. Steph grabbed her files and lifted herself off the couch, heading for the door.

"Sorry – got to run – skips to catch – rent to pay." And Steph ran out the door and out to safety.

She pulled into her lot four hours later, flushed with success. Two skips collected without anything blowing up, without anyone (herself) getting dirty, greasy or slimy in any way, and without (most importantly) any help at all. Feeling like a million bucks, she leaped up the stairs two at a time, strode to her door and entered. She stopped dead at the sight on her kitchen counter. It was a pie. And not just any pie. This was a 12" pie and it smelled heavenly. She bonelessly leaned against the wall and thought hard. If he had printed it out in block letters, he couldn't have been any clearer. "Game On." She was fucked. Then she laughed to herself, thinking that she could only hope. And then she felt guilty. Oh, shit.

A shadow detached itself from the dark of the living room and moved toward her.

"Heard you had a great day on the job. Thought you might want to celebrate."

"C-c-celebrate?"

"With dessert." He waved his arm, and she couldn't help noticing that his wave encompassed not only the pie but her also. A shiver of either fear or desire or a little of both passed through her, and she just stood there, unable to move.

"But you don't eat dessert."

He gave her the wolf grin. "But you do, and I can watch you enjoy it."

"But that's no fun for you."

His smile widened further. "Stephanie, are you offering me your pie?"

_Talented lips kissing, sucking, playing, and a talented tongue doing things she hadn't thought possible before. Moonlight and shattered cries_

"No! I just thought it wasn't fair."

"So you think I should eat your pie – just to be fair?"

She totally had to get off this subject before she went mad. He was driving her crazy with these double entendres and she thought he knew exactly what he was doing. She walked over and got two plates and two forks and a knife. Cutting two pieces, she plated them and put on the table, sitting down in front of hers.

"Well? Are you going to sit down?"

He stopped grinning and stared at her for a full minute. "There is only one kind of pie I eat, Steph – and I'll ask you again – are you offering me a slice of that?"

Her fork clattered to the plate as her fingers lost their grip. "Are we still playing?"

"No, Babe. Time for a decision."

"I'm not a 'one-slice' type of girl. It's the whole pie or it's nothing."

"And if I decided that I could live with the whole pie?"

A hot flash burned through her body so fast she felt a little weak. "The whole thing?"

He walked over to her, lifted her hair, and pressed a kiss to her neck. "I can't guarantee the future, Babe, but I want to watch you eating dessert with me for as long as I can foresee me being around to enjoy it. I want you in my life, Steph. And I promise to always eat your pie – as often as you want."

He lifted her up in his arms, carried her to the bedroom, and showed her the way a real man eats pie.

A Few Hours Later….

He lay next to her, his hand idly skimming along her the skin of her hip, his breath fanning her hair as she luxuriated in the feeling of being surrounded by his strength. She felt him chuckle and slightly turned her head in question.

"You missed the ending of the Connie dilemma." He laughed softly. "Antonio came into the office and he was a mess. Apparently he had undergone dental surgery the day before his date with Connie and had gotten implants – most of his teeth had been replaced. All was fine, until he was a little too excited by Connie's um, talents – apparently he clenched his teeth together so hard that he forced the top implants into his gums and started bleeding, so he had to jump up and run to the bathroom."

"But he said he wouldn't eat pie." Steph's face colored a little as the memory of what they had been doing for the past few hours surged into her mind.

Ranger smiled, and slid his fingers lower. "No – he said his dentist was going to 'die'. I guess Connie heard wrong and jumped to conclusions. They have another date tomorrow night."

Steph giggled – partly at Connie's comedy of errors and partly because now she could concentrate on Connie's stories without feeling she was missing something.

"A lot of change in a few short weeks for Connie. And a big change for us. You're sure, right?"

"Babe, it's good between us. This is going to be as easy as…..pie."


End file.
